Re-becoming

This has always been the most sacred place for me to share the depths of my ever changing process of becoming. I still remember when I started this blog at the beginning of 2009, as the year of great changes began, and my flying life of a sparrow would reach places that I could not yet preview then. Now, almost 4 years ago, I am sitting in Lithuania and actively deciding to keep on sharing and weaving the stories, the stories of others with my own story of becoming. Sitting in Lithuania, out of all places, the place that 2 weeks ago has awaken in me a forgotten part of myself: the artist. Another place that has become my home, my refuge and place of sourcing. The following blogs are about that finding, that re-membering with the parts of myself I had left dorment, and that had made dorment by the paths I have chosen to live in this past years. 'Cause after all, there is nothing like more human than choosing and by choosing learning, that all paths are paths and that they lead to one, same and single one, which is LIFE.

the epic story

So it now feels I am in entering an epic story, a story of struggle and love, frustration and appreciation, openess and closeness. Me and the educational system for integration in Holland. And for that I literally mean the course given by the government for foreigners willing to learn dutch to be able to integrate in the culture, the life, the land that they chose to live, be it for whatever reasons Life has made them choose.

And the reason why I say an epic is because it ain't a small story. It's the story of my life, the story of Holland at this time and age, the story of other men and women, of each and every one us, who are constantly sttrugling to find our place in the world. Moving from here to there, in the inside or the outside. It is the story of both the dutchies who have egone to discover the new world, trading merchandises, values and cultures on their big sailing ships, and whom for long in history have been out there, while been in here, making it all possible to survive and to stay in a land that used to be see. Traveling and staying has been always inheritent to these people, to the landscape of this land. It has shaped culture and behaviours in the binnenland and in the bouten land.

It is also and the story of those who have come brought by the ships, brought by their hearts, their future husbands or wives to be, the kids to be born, or/and the hard reality which they were victims or witnesses in their landa of origin (Kurdistan)

It's been frustrating, good, empowering, challenging and deep.


For long I have felt connected to the people who have left and the people who have come. It is difficult to say when did it begin... maybe at the beginning of times, my times on this Earth, my time on this existence. Since young the lyrics of Bob Marley "Oh pirats yes they robbed I, sold I to the merchant ships, minutes after they took from the bottomless pit. ... Bbut my hand was stronwant to hear to sing, these songs of freedom" Or the Brazilian song (that has become my favorite over the years): Foram me chamar, eu estou aqui o que eh ha. Eu vi de la eu vim de la pequeneninha, mas eu vim de la pequeneninha, alguem me avisou para pisar nesse chao devagarinho" The lyrics of bith songs have always spoke deeply to me... Somehting down the soul.

Between Walls and Windows

And so I sit here now in front of our yellow wall, overlooking the boxes packed and wrapped in front of me, thinking how interesting it is to realize that when this wall was painted we were 2 months to go to Brazil and South America. On my longing for sun and light to the dark and short days of Autumn I decided to paint it yellow so to make it lighter to withstand the cold and the lonely I somewhat felt within.

The yellow brought in light, it expanded the room and helped relaxing the mind, taking us to a place far away. A place where all is possible, where there is no limitations. No irony that it happened just before we set off to our journey in South America. It surely helped preparing the body, mind and spirit for the endevour ahead of us...

Now sitting with it on my back, feeling held and supported by this wall which has held us with a safe and sacred space to leave from and to come back to, I look over the big windows to the multiple options life again is offering us. The sun rising there... behind the buildings, on the left side of the street, illuminating the alley through which we go to Puha and Ah. Slowly slowly wakening up and bringing its rays to the silent sleepy neighborhood, that awakens from the misty night where Droemenland is. In front lies the future, still to be known, felt, lived, tasted to its entire existence. Hints of it we might already have and grab, the rest will come as it turns into present, on the moment by moment unwrapping of the gift of Life.

What to do now, but to trust and be grateful for the windows and walls that exist in our lives. Without one the other is not. Without the other the one is not. Walls and windows, my house, my home.


With love,
Valentine

A nomad whose home is Love

It has been really long I don't post anything here. Well, life has moved in al possible directions I would say. We have gone to South America for 6 months, got engaged, saw all these beautiful landscapes, got inspired and had many ideas, and are now back in The Netherlands.

Maybe for the first time in my life I have a real sense of building up! A sense of getting serious in life.
I guess it has to do with the decision to marry and to build a life together. It pushes me to make choices of where I want to live, how do I want to live and more and more what mark do I want to leave on this Earth.

After moving for almost 2 years, I now feel the need to stop and to be fixed in one place. One place from where I can go to many places and to be found by many people. Being all over the place, everywhere and nowhere at the same time, has been very important for the past years. I believe to set me free from the conditionings of staying, and returning always to Brazil. It has helped and has thrown me into the world. But now that I have reached the freedom and mobility that I wanted, being stablished in Holland, for now I no longer feel the need to move much anymore. Rather to stay and to move out due to invitations.

At times it is not easy to keep walking and trusting this somewhat crazy path of a nomad whose home is Love and a deeper call. It makes me tremble and makes me confuse. But at any new reward I am again strong to hold this vision and keep building this life, opening the path for those who will come after me.

Que Oxala acompanhe!

Our path, our paces

Finding out our paces, figuring out our path!

"I've been told there was so much more to wake up for.
I guess you make me see it!"

Farewell Holland

As I prepare myself to go to Mexico next week for the COP16. I also prepare for departing from Holland and possibly to be living in this country for the last time. It is difficult to predict or to make plans, but both me and Maarten feel we are going to be off for some while ad the the journey we are about to begin in month will take us to our future home.

It is a funny feeling t be leaving so soon though, and even if I don't feel much attached to Holland, out house and the life we live here it still feels like a farewell. So I am spending the next weeks wrapping up it all and making sure I had a chance to meet and be with the good friends I have made here in these almost 6 months. After all what we take from the places is always the people we meet and the good moments we spent.

Tenho andado desapontada com as pessoas ao meu redor, principalmente no ambiente, so called, organizacional. E me perguntado, o que acontece com as pessoas, seu brilho, sua sensibilidade, quando estao em organizacoes? Quando se juntam ao redor de um proposito que lhes eh comum e acabam messing around um com o outro??? Parece que a partir desse momento, deixam de sentir, ser capazes de expressar amor, compaixao e compreensao para se tornarem cobradores, devedores, chatos, impacientes...

Por que numa organizacao um passa a se relacionar com o outro de forma tao diferente?

Sinto me frustrada, sem forcas para querer e poder mudar isso. A clareza que me vem a cabeca eh que eu nao sou feita para estar em organizacoes. Trabalhar em parceria sim, com varias e diferentes pessoas de acordo com cada projeto, momento, impulso, mas nao mais fazer parte de um conjunto de pessoas que se move junto, que se constitui como uma organizacao. E um formato que acaba me tomando mais energia do que me dando energia, me tirando do meu centro de poder e de qualidade e profundidade do que faco e orfereco. Em voo solo me sinto livre e com legitimidade para criar ate o limite da minha imaginacao, sem precisar compromise para me encaixar e ser aceita por ninguem ou por lugar nenhum.

Essa clareza me da chao e certeza de que desde o dia em que escolhi sair da ultima organizacao onde trabalhei para me tornar "consultora independente" tenho trilhado o caminho que para mim faz sentido, e que melhor pode servir as outras pessoas. Como isso no coracao, terminarei meus assignements nesta nova organizacao onde estou e seguirei voando livre, levando verao de grupos a grupos ao redor do mundo, como faz uma boa andorinha.

Viva as andorinhas!